Two years ago I was struggling to heal from some major life events.  I was falling into a dark place and struggling to claw my way out.  Funny thing about that dark place, sometimes the more you struggle the faster you fall.  Like quick sand, stay completely still and let the darkness engulf you slowly or struggle to get out and sink even faster.

During this time, I was holding onto so much anger.  It was not only affecting my life but also the lives of those around me.  I couldn’t function as a mom, wife, friend, daughter, sister.  I did my best to pretend nothing was wrong and I was alright.  Pretend everything was ok and eventually it would be, right?  I didn’t want to burden anyone with what I was feeling.  I cried alone every day and my sleep was filled with nightmares.  I was bitter and didn’t see signs of my bitterness taking leave any time soon.  I closed myself off and refused to let anyone in to help, not even the One who could help the most.  My bitterness and anger was building a wall between my Maker and me.  He was the One who loved me more than I could ever imagine and I turned Him away.

I just couldn’t snap out of it on my own and wasn’t sure what my purpose was anymore.  Knowing I could not carry this burden any longer, I began praying for relief, for some direction or guiding light that would lead me out of the dark.

It started small at first, like the fast burning flame of a match.  I could see brief moments of light in the darkness.  God was just waiting for me to call on Him, to turn to Him.  He didn’t try to rush me.  He didn’t try to quickly illuminate me with His radiance.  In His perfect timing, He eased me back into the light.  After sitting in the dark, isn’t it better to gradually let your eyes adjust to the light instead of suddenly turning on the brightest light?  I had been in that dark place for a long time.  Too much brilliant light would hurt my eyes and make me turn away.  God knew my eyes and heart needed to readjust to what I knew was true and right but, for me, it had to happen slowly.  At first it was hard to follow the light.  Was I really ready to let go of all the anger and bitterness I held onto for so long?  Some days I could feel myself sliding backward but I was making gradual progress.

I continued praying for and seeking the guidance I so desperately needed.  The challenge was to listen for God’s answer instead of trying to figure it out all on my own.  One day in prayer, the need to write came to me so clearly.  Almost as if the words were being written for me, I needed to write about what I’d been through and what I was going through.  I needed to write down the sweet moments in life that made me feel emotion, any emotion other than anger and bitterness.  Then I began writing about those funny moments in life so I could look back and laugh. God was leading me to write, to heal.

Suddenly I found myself with a new burden.  Instead of the burden of frustration, anger and sadness, I now felt a burden to write, a call to write.  Would this writing be something I could share with others?  Could my writing help even one other person going through a similar situation to me?  Could it bring joy to someone’s day, give them a chuckle or maybe even make them laugh out loud?

It took me over a year to finally submit to the plan I felt God had for me.  I came up with a lot of reasons why I should not start this blog and why I should keep my writing to myself; I am really good at making excuses.  Finally, after much prayer, realizing there is never a perfect time and that there will always be plenty of excuses, it’s time to step out in faith.  I’m really excited, nervous and down”write” scared to start this blog but, in faith, know this is the path I am supposed to take.

My prayer is that, while reading “andthisreallyhappened”, you will find inspiration, humor and a connection to let you know you are not alone.  Thank you for taking a few moments from your day each day to join me here.

Love, Laugh and Live in Him,
Christine