Proverbs 16:3,9

3Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed.

9In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps.

Eighteen years ago (Oh my!  I can’t believe it’s been that long!) I took a giant leap, moving far away from my family for the first time and to a place where I knew not one single person.  Before I moved, I was comfortably surrounded by my loving family and friends.  When I moved, I went clear across the country to a place I had only visited once, with no “built in” friends.  I really like having friends because I am not someone who thrives in solitude.  (Although now, with kids, solitude is a precious commodity at our house.)  Thankfully, God quickly supplied some amazing friends and a wonderful church family for me while I was in this new place.

Even though I felt I was doing the right thing and following God’s plan for my life, I was so scared.  What if I failed?  Everyone knew I was moving and why.  The local news paper even did an article about my move. What if I didn’t come back with my goal accomplished?  How embarrassing would that be!?  Funny thing about the goals we set for ourselves, they may not always be in line with God’s goals for our lives.  While we might feel like a failure for not reaching our goal, God might see something altogether different.

I worked excruciatingly hard to meet my goal.  The training was intense, emotionally and physically demanding.  Even though I put in the work and did everything I felt I was supposed to do, breaking 3 of my ribs along the way, I did not succeed in meeting my goal.  I was deflated and discouraged.  I was angry at God for sending me out there and then letting me fail.  I was embarrassed to come back home without accomplishing the goal I set for myself.  It took me years to recover from this major disappointment in my life.  Even now, talking about it brings up some very raw emotions.

It’s been 15 years since I gave up on my dream of becoming an Olympian.  I came within 5 seconds of realizing my dream but did not make it.  Only recently am I beginning to realize why God had me make that cross country move all those years ago. I was so hurt by what I perceived as failure, I couldn’t see how God would, in the future, use my experience to help me reach out to others.  Only recently have I been more open and willing to talk about my experiences with others.  The response I’ve received, after sharing my story with others, has been overwhelming in a good way.

Proverbs 16:3,9

3Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed.

9In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps.

God is helping me see, in His plan, my perceived lack of success was not the epic fail I once thought it was.  God’s plans are long term.  He sees the big picture and knows the real plan, His plan.  While I may never fully understand why my plan did not end the way I wanted, God’s greater plan was (and still is) at work in my life.  I pray that He will continue to use my experiences to reach others.  I pray that He will open my heart to be more willing to share and that He will change my self-perceived failure into success for Him!