May the God of peace…(21) equip you with everything good for doing His will and may He work in us what is pleasing to Him, through Jesus Christ to whom be the glory for ever and ever.            Hebrews 13:21

Everyone is called to do something in their life, to make a difference.  Some people find their calling when they are young, seeming to know from a very young age what they are supposed to be or do.  Others find their passion in their teens and early 20’s.  Others still, in their 30’s and 40’s, find themselves searching for the specific call on their life; maybe even struggling to fulfill their life goals.

I feel like I’ve been through every one of the above stages in my life.  When I was very little I just knew I was going to be a ballerina princess.  I mean isn’t that what every little girl is suppose to be when they grow up?  Well…instead of growing up to be a ballerina princess, I just grew up and realized that dream probably wasn’t going to happen.  I had to regroup.  In my teen years, I really admired the way my Dad interacted and cared about the people he traded with in his pharmacy business.  I could see his passion for what he did and I wanted to be just like him.  I entered college with the intent of becoming a pharmacist so I could help people that were sick.  Then I came across organic chemistry, inorganic chemistry and anatomy / physiology in the same semester.  Everyone said this was the semester that would weed people out of the pre-pharmacy track.  Just so happens I was a victim of the weeding process.

There I was, at the end of my sophomore year in college with no idea what to major in.  I had to declare something before the next semester started.  Colleges want you to be “well rounded” in your academics, at least the first few years before focusing in on your major courses.  I’d taken some English classes, enjoyed them and actually managed to get decent grades.  Having no idea what I would do with an English major, I walked into my Dean’s office and declared, “I will major in English!”  Think fanfare and drama.  I mean I was making a declaration after all.

Feeling good about my “declaration”, I took the English department by storm, literally.  (See what I did there?)  I did enjoy my classes with some pretty kooky professors  but I was kind of average when in the company of those gracing the halls of the English department.

Two years later, graduation happened.  Now I had this English degree and no idea what to do with it.  My life went in a completely different direction from my English major after college.  Instead of pursuing a teaching degree or a degree higher than bachelor’s, I decided to pursue my athletic career.  In a previous post, My Plan Failed, I talk a little more about that part of my life.

I really never understood why I was supposed to get an English, degree and never did anything with it except for occasional proof reading to help a friend.  Not until these last few years did I feel the call to tune up my writing skills and get them back in working order.  Panic!  I wasn’t sure what I was going to write about.  Would anyone care what I had to say?  What if it wasn’t perfect?  It had been a long time since I put my writing out there for other people to read.  To be honest, I was freaking out and trying to ignore the very obvious, “Time to write,” message God was sending me.

It was almost comical how many emails came through my inbox about writing seminars and groups dedicated to helping new writers, or in my case dusty rusty writers, hone their craft.  The message could not have been any more clear but I was dragging my feet mostly because I was terrified.  Not only was God calling me to write, he was asking me to write about some really hard subjects I wasn’t ready to write about.  Key word there, “I”.  I wasn’t ready but God was.  He knew I needed to write to heal.

The excuses were flying, “When will I find the time?”  “I’ll just write in a journal because I don’t know anything about starting a blog!”  “I can’t write about that, it’s too painful.”  I was coming up with some good excuses and procrastinating like a champ but..I guess we see where all the excuses got me?

Here I am with a blog which is still very much a work in progress, working my way up to what God really  wants me to write about.  I’ve touched a little bit on the tough stuff but mostly it’s been fluff stuff.  I’m not a fast writer and I’m not the best at finding time to write but I am working on it.

May the God of peace…21 equip you with everything good for doing His will and may He work in us what is pleasing to Him, through Jesus Christ to whom be the glory for ever and ever.            Hebrews 13:21

The truth in the struggle: I’ve been so wrapped up in what I thought I could do and how I was going to make it happen.  Instead I needed to realize I don’t have to do any of this alone.  Simply put, God called me to do this.  He will equip me.  It’s not about what I can do.  It’s about what God can do through me.

God is not going to call me back to writing and then leave me there to figure it out on my own.  He will equip me to do what He has planned for me.  I do hope my writing is uplifting to those who read it.  Most importantly I pray everything I write would be glorifying to God and right in line with His purpose for me and writing again.