I walked into the doctor’s office last Monday to get my hand checked. It was swollen and hurting quite a bit. I thought, possibly, I had broken a bone in my hand, maybe pulled a muscle or strained something. I left the doctor’s office light headed and probably a little pale. He would not treat my hand until he sent me to get blood work for a potentially life altering immune system disease. What I thought was going to be a simple splint to fix it or maybe a cortisone shot to calm the swelling turned into a week of waiting and worrying!

The doctor sent me away with a prescription for testing. I saw the doc on Monday, went for testing on Tuesday and then I had to wait. Wait for results, wonder about what the results might be. Would they be positive or negative? If positive, would these results lead to a major life adjustment now? Would a positive result and diagnosis mean I would lose some mobility and function later in life? I had so many questions and so many what if’s. I hadn’t even been diagnosed yet. I was waiting but I was also worrying…A LOT!

“Stay off the internet!” Those were the last words the doctor said to me before I left his office. It was great advice but of course I didn’t take it! Information, scary information, is so readily available. Honestly, before I even left the doctor’s office I had already looked up the disease. I told him as much and that’s what prompted him to advise staying off the internet. When I got home, of course, I had to find as many websites as possible with information about the disease. The doctor was right, it was a mistake to look at the internet.

I looked at all the risk factors, treatment options, home care suggestions. By the time I was done, I had convinced myself the tests were going to come back positive. As I read the risk factors I was a match for every single one of them. Swollen, painful, warm knuckles…check, age…check, family history…check and the list went on from there. I had myself so worked up that I was one misplaced sock away from bursting into tears. I’m not sure why I didn’t listen to the doctor. Oh wait, yes I do.

The waiting! It is not always easy to wait for something, especially potentially bad news. I had to do something to ease my mind while I was waiting. Easing my fears by looking at the internet DID NOT work! I thought for sure I would find some information to take the worry away and make the waiting easier. I was wrong. I looked at a lot of different websites and none of them eased my fear but they definitely made it worse.

Every time I get myself worked into the cyclone of worry I have a seemingly impossible struggle to get out. I imagine myself stuck in a worry tornado going around and around with no hope of escape. Kind of like the cow from the movie Twister, around and around the heifer went, mooOOOooo mooOOOooo. Just like the cow, every time I get close enough to yell (or in the cow’s case moo) for help the cyclone tears me away again. There is only one true hope to keep me from the tornado of worry, one that will be with me wherever I am, cyclone or not.

Phillipians 4:6
Do not worry about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God.