Month: November 2015

A Day to Be Thankful

This Thanksgiving I had so much to be thankful for.

I woke up on Thanksgiving morning at Mom’s house with my sleepy sweet girl looking like an angel as she slept in the bed on the floor next to my bed. She is a most beautiful sight to see! Sometimes I just stare at her as she sleeps and can’t believe how blessed I am to be Mom to this wonderful sweet daughter.

After we all woke up, my brother and I went on our traditional, “family is all together”, doughnut run. It’s usually a very comical trip while we stand at the counter trying to guess what type of doughnut everyone would like to eat. This year we got smart and took orders before we left the house. It’s a short trip to the doughnut shop but I cherish that time with my brother. That’s why I insist on keeping the doughnut tradition alive.

When we got home we were met with some very excited kiddos, ready to eat their doughnuts. Of course I’m not sure sugar was the best option for breakfast. We had some very rambunctious children after breakfast and I’m certain the doughnuts had everything to do with it. They got loud and I mean really loud. But, as I was listening, I realized that loudness was joy. Overwhelming joy that they could be together as cousins. They love each other, love spending time with each other and cannot help but be loud when they are together. I am so thankful they enjoy their time together even if it gets a little noisy at times.

The Parade! Finally, I remembered the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade starts at 9am and not noon! I miss it every year but not this year. My sweet daughter was so nice to remind me in the morning that I wanted to watch the parade and to check its start time. She watched the parade with me while we built and decorated ginger bread houses with my younger nephew and his Mama. My girl’s ginger bread house only stayed together for a little bit before she started eating all the candy. It did not survive to make the trip back to our house.

The weather was beautiful and perfect for being outside. Hide and seek as well as football and monkey in the middle occupied our time outside. My son and the older nephew threw the football for a long time while our two dogs joined us as we all played outside. Everyone was happy happy happy!

After lunch we sat around the table and told stories from our childhood. The stories included ones about Dad and his skiing adventures. I love remember him and his stories. I miss him so much, especially when the family is all together and he is not sitting at the table with us to add his humor to the conversation.

My oldest brother joined us for our big Thanksgiving dinner complete with turkey, sweet potatoes, three bean salad, corn casserole and all the fixings. So delicious with all the traditional family food. Let me not forget Mom’s incredible pies. She always fixes 5 or 6 pies each holiday, this year: 2 coconut, 2 pecan and lemon meringue. Yummy in my tummy! Mmmmm!

Even better than pie was having the whole family together to celebrate and be thankful together. I am so thankful for my wonderful family, friends and all the blessings God’s given me.

Thank You!

Taking a moment to say thank you!  Thank you to our veterans and current service women and men for their commitment to protect the freedom I am able to enjoy each and every day.

Earlier this year, I was at a celebration of the arts for our county school system.  My son’s chorus was performing alongside various high schools, middle schools and elementary schools.  Some schools danced, some did acting for their art and some sang.  My son’s performance was that show stopping kind of wonderful, of course, but there was another performance that had a lasting impact on me.  The impact on me was actually because of the impact this performance had on those around me.

This particular performance was dedicated to those who served or are currently serving in a branch of the military.  These high school youth presented a song and tap dance to the tunes of every anthem from every branch of service.  As the songs were offered up, each member of that military branch, current or retired, was asked to stand and be recognized.  It was truly wonderful to see everyone standing proud as they were acknowledged for their service.

As I watched and listened, I noticed a man, in his late 70’s, at the end of my row.  He was getting more emotional with each anthem played.  I glanced over at him and noticed his unshakable focus, determined to honor each woman or man that stood to be recognized.  Eventually, the anthem for his branch of service, Air Force, began to play.  As he stood, I watched as he held back tears.

This moment, a few minutes of recognition, seemed to not be enough for all the emotion welling up inside this man.  It was not sad, nor proud, just beautiful.  I realized, for this man, serving his country was more than just a job to him.  It was a passion, a love, a fierce desire to serve and protect his family as well as perfect strangers.  Many years after retirement this man still wore his military heart on his sleeve.

Until that moment, at the county wide celebration of the arts, I never really, truly understood the impact serving in the military had on those who serve.  So, with new understanding, I extend a heartfelt, “THANK YOU” to all the veterans and current service men and women.  Thank you for your compassion and commitment to serve and protect our great country.

What’s the Worry?

Why do I worry?  Maybe it’s because I think I have the super power of worrying.  The more I worry, the more I can control the situation.  That would be pretty awesome but not likely I guess.  Or maybe it’s because I enjoy that out of control, gut wrenching feeling when I worry.  No, no, that’s not it either.  It’s really because worrying gives me a good excuse to eat chocolate. That’s got to be it!  Who doesn’t love a good excuse to eat chocolate?  And that sweet yummy goodness definitely “helps” when I’m worried!  Problem is, if I’m worried all the time…well, that’s a lot of chocolate…and, incidentally, pounds.

So what’s the real reason?  Why do I worry?  Human nature?  Because I selfishly feel the need to be in control of all situations?  (Very big headed of me, I know.)  Is it because I’m a Mom?  Maybe, but that’s another post for another day.  I don’t know if I have the perfect answer to the question.  But my best answer is because I have a trust issue.  I know I cannot control every situation or everyone’s actions.  I have to trust everyone will make the best choice in every situation but that’s not the trust I am talking about.

Matthew 6:27

Can any of you, by worrying, add a single hour to your life?

We definitely cannot add hours to our lives from worry but I do think we can lose hours of our lives to worrying.  From just this past year, if I had all the time back I spent worrying about this or that I would, by now, probably have an extra month.  For a 30 day month there are 720 hours.  Seven hundred and twenty hours seems like a lot of time to spend worrying but if you average that time into a single year it comes to be a little less than 2 hours of worrying a day.  Granted, I don’t worry 2 hours every day.  Sometimes I worry more…

I like to think of all the good things I could do with that extra month of time: I could volunteer more, take my kids out to the park or visit with friends and family.  Sometimes maybe I could use that time to do something for myself, like maybe blow dry my hair instead of running out the door with a wet head everyday or have a minute to file my nails.  (It’s the little things that keep me happy!)

I may have gotten away from the point.

If I really look hard at those times I worry, my trust issue is glaring right back at me.  Am I trusting the One who is really in control to work everything for my good?  Or am I nervous something is not going to go exactly the way I would have planned?  Funny thing about my plans, they don’t always work out the best for me.  So who am I trusting?  Am I trusting myself to make the best decisions or am I relying on the Lord to put every piece in place in every situation?  The right answer, and I want this to be my answer, would be to say, “Of course I am trusting God!” but, right now, I would be a big fat liar if I said that.  How do I know?  Because I worry so much!

Psalm 112:7

They will have no fear of bad news; their hearts are secure trusting in the Lord.

I AM A WORK IN PROGRESS!

What He’s Been Waiting For…

By the time the results came I had opened myself up to the possibility of either set of results, positive or negative.  I definitely wanted the negative results but I was just ready for results…whatever they may be.  It was better knowing than not knowing.  I was really at peace with whatever results were handed to me.  It wasn’t me giving in or giving up, it was me trusting.  Trusting that God totally had a plan here and I wasn’t just floating freely in the wind like a dandelion seed, no direction, no path.

Finally, the phone rang and I recognized the number.  It was the doctor’s office.  I answered and was surprised to hear the doctor’s voice.  I thought the doctor would call only if it was NOT good news, otherwise I was expecting a nurse.  Thankfully, he got right to the point.  “The results all came back negative.  Now we just have to figure out…”  The rest of what he said went a little foggy.  I was processing the word “negative”.  I knew it was a good thing but I had to let it sink in for a minute.  I didn’t say anything and there was a long awkward silence.  Finally the doctor said, “Negative is a good thing!”    “Oh yes, of course!” I said, feeling a little embarrassed.  I was trying to hold it together, to breathe a sigh of relief and not break down with the doctor on the phone.  I’m sure he didn’t sign on for or expect a crazy emotional lady on the other end of the line when he gave good news.  “We can schedule an appointment for you to come back in next week if you would like.”  “Uh huh, ok…”  What was wrong with me?  I couldn’t make a complete sentence…it was good news.  I finally got myself together enough to ask if it was ok to call back later that day to schedule.  He said, “Yes, of course!” and our conversation ended there.

As I gathered myself, all I could say was, “Thank you!”  Thank you to God.  I know He heard the prayers of all the prayers warriors lifting me up.  I know He heard my prayers.  I know he was comforting me through all of this even when I wasn’t reaching out to him.  I know He was waiting, waiting with me, waiting on me to turn to Him, waiting for me to see the reason for going through this.  I may have been waiting all week but God had been waiting, too.

I know there is a reason for everything and God doesn’t let the tough moments go by without a “take away”.  We may not immediately know or realize what plans He has for us but there is something there, a learning moment.  As thankful as I was for the negative results, now I needed to figure out why it was necessary for me to go through it at all.  What was my take away?

Psalm 28:6-7

May the Lord be praised, for he has heard my pleading.  The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in Him.

Jeremiah 29:11-12

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me and I will listen to you.

The Waiting – Part 2

The Waiting – Part 2

Waiting

Phillipians 4:6
Do not worry about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God.

After I managed to get myself all worked up about my potential diagnosis, I knew it was time to calm down and go to the one who knows all, sees all and is all.  It only took me a few hours to look at seemingly every site on the web concerning my potential diagnosis as well as get myself so panicked I wasn’t sure what I was going to do.  All I felt like doing was vegging on the couch and eating candy.  Although I do really like candy, I knew this attempt at comforting myself was a problem.

I am the best at getting myself worked up very quickly and taking a long time to calm down.  We had a year full of trauma three years ago and ever since them I worry more than ever.  I know beyond any doubt that worry is not part of God’s plan for my life but it is one of the things I struggle with most.  I heard a speaker at a conference one time use the word “catastophizing”.  That’s when your worry goes immediately to the worst possible scenario.  For example: If someone doesn’t call to check in when they are supposed to, the mind immediately starts to panic and wonder if we should send out a search party to look for their car…in a ditch…on the side of the road.  In reality, they just had to make a quick pit stop to pick up a snack or go to the bathroom and it took them a few minutes longer to get home.  I don’t know if you are the same but I am definitely a “catastophizer”!   I know it, own it and do my best to battle against it but it is hard.  Sometimes I need reinforcements.

Prayer is powerful and God wants us to bring our prayers and petitions to Him.  He wants us to reach for Him, to lean on Him.  We can find peace in Him.  Cast our worries on Him.  In the midst of my “catastrophizing” I realized I had forgotten to call on the name of the Lord to help me.  I knew it was time to make a change and battle the worry that filled my mind.   I needed to call upon the Lord and ask others to do the same.  I didn’t want to cause anyone to worry but I needed to seek peace and also needed to ask for some reinforcements.  The potential diagnosis wasn’t life threatening but it did have the potential to be life altering later in my life and it scared me.  I started praying and asked some of my prayer warriors to intercede for me as well.

It did seem like forever as I waited.  I knew my friends and family were praying for me and seeking God’s comfort for me as I waited.  I was seeking God’s peace for when I finally did receive the results.  It’s a hard prayer to pray.  While I know God is the great physician and can heal anything I also didn’t want to fall apart if, in fact, the results came back positive.  I needed strength not to slip back into my tendency to be a “catastrophizer”!

I believe when I walked out of the doctor’s office on Monday, looking at my history and current symptoms, the doctor believed the results would be positive.  He didn’t say as much but when I asked him directly he said, “Let’s wait on the results before we move forward”.  It might not have been what he meant, however, I took it to mean he thought the results would be positive but he didn’t want to make me worry.  After much prayer, a few calls to the doctors office to see where the results were (I’m working on my patience as well) and a message to the phone nurse, the results were in.  I sobbed, from relief, when I heard them.

The Waiting, Part 1

I walked into the doctor’s office last Monday to get my hand checked. It was swollen and hurting quite a bit. I thought, possibly, I had broken a bone in my hand, maybe pulled a muscle or strained something. I left the doctor’s office light headed and probably a little pale. He would not treat my hand until he sent me to get blood work for a potentially life altering immune system disease. What I thought was going to be a simple splint to fix it or maybe a cortisone shot to calm the swelling turned into a week of waiting and worrying!

The doctor sent me away with a prescription for testing. I saw the doc on Monday, went for testing on Tuesday and then I had to wait. Wait for results, wonder about what the results might be. Would they be positive or negative? If positive, would these results lead to a major life adjustment now? Would a positive result and diagnosis mean I would lose some mobility and function later in life? I had so many questions and so many what if’s. I hadn’t even been diagnosed yet. I was waiting but I was also worrying…A LOT!

“Stay off the internet!” Those were the last words the doctor said to me before I left his office. It was great advice but of course I didn’t take it! Information, scary information, is so readily available. Honestly, before I even left the doctor’s office I had already looked up the disease. I told him as much and that’s what prompted him to advise staying off the internet. When I got home, of course, I had to find as many websites as possible with information about the disease. The doctor was right, it was a mistake to look at the internet.

I looked at all the risk factors, treatment options, home care suggestions. By the time I was done, I had convinced myself the tests were going to come back positive. As I read the risk factors I was a match for every single one of them. Swollen, painful, warm knuckles…check, age…check, family history…check and the list went on from there. I had myself so worked up that I was one misplaced sock away from bursting into tears. I’m not sure why I didn’t listen to the doctor. Oh wait, yes I do.

The waiting! It is not always easy to wait for something, especially potentially bad news. I had to do something to ease my mind while I was waiting. Easing my fears by looking at the internet DID NOT work! I thought for sure I would find some information to take the worry away and make the waiting easier. I was wrong. I looked at a lot of different websites and none of them eased my fear but they definitely made it worse.

Every time I get myself worked into the cyclone of worry I have a seemingly impossible struggle to get out. I imagine myself stuck in a worry tornado going around and around with no hope of escape. Kind of like the cow from the movie Twister, around and around the heifer went, mooOOOooo mooOOOooo. Just like the cow, every time I get close enough to yell (or in the cow’s case moo) for help the cyclone tears me away again. There is only one true hope to keep me from the tornado of worry, one that will be with me wherever I am, cyclone or not.

Phillipians 4:6
Do not worry about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God.